she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
