Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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