theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
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I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
MIDGETS
????
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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