I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
