he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
