Tell her she can't have a vagina
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
