Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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