Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
