So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
