so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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