u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize