can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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