I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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