Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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