there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
