Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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