the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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