That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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