I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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