the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
