He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
