I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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