i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.