If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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