Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
