I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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