Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I stole a fireplace last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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