I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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