I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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