9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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