he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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