I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
