onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
