today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
