I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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