I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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