I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
