Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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