Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
