Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
