Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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