Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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