She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
