be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
