In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
