when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
