Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
