just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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