dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
