I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
