Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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