people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize