i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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