I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
