How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
