at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We have so much sex to catch up on
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
