don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
