he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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