My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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