I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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