is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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