I was born with a shot glass in my hand
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
