Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
