Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
